Santaquiorra
by shokkun
Summary: What happens at Christmastime in Las Noches? He-He Rating for one very bad word.


Santaquiorra 

Alright friends! This is going to be another one of my completely random ideas! It's a oneshot, and its basically Christmas at Las Noches. But better.

Ulquiorra walked down the plain white halls of Las Noches, focusing on the spot ahead of him. Ulquiorra heard footsteps behind him but didn't even bother looking back, for he knew only one idiot who could make such a ruckus while walking.

"What is it, Grimmjow?" Ulquiorra stared straight ahead as Grimmjow caught up to him, bending over slightly to pick up a faster pace.

"Aizen said something about wanting to see ya," Grimmjow looked over to see Ulquiorra, still staring blankly ahead at nothing. "Where are you going anywhere?" Grimmjow inquired, realizing that he hadn't been down this hall before. Ulquiorra didn't respond to his question. Grimmjow was very irritating sometimes. Grimmjow decide he was bored of Ulquiorra's stoic look, so he continued on, racing down the hall. Ulquiorra silently shook his head in disapproval. Ulquiorra walked on, not paying attention to much. He knew this way very well. The only way he could be deterred was if Gin started messing with the halls. Ulquiorra didn't approve of many people/arrancar. Ichimaru Gin was one of them. His off-putting smile was disturbing to him, and Ulquiorra hated the way his eyes were always shut. Actually, the only person that Ulquiorra actually approved of was Sosuke Aizen. Ulquiorra, deep in thought, passed by Szayel Apporo's room. He could hear strange, muffled screams from behind the door. He stopped for a moment, his mouth open, an insult ready at his lips. But he continued on, uttering a few insults to himself. _Trash. He does grotesque experiments in that lab of his every day. It truly disgusts me…_

Ulquiorra found his way to Aizen's "throne room" and looked up to Aizen in his chair.

"You wished to see me," Ulquiorra bowed, like a servant.

"I've just realized that it is Christmas in the world of the living, and I would wish to celebrate too. There's just one job that needs filling out…" Ichimaru Gin came out at this, carrying a red suit. He tossed it down to Ulquiorra, who looked at it in disgust.

"I would like my favorite espada to act as 'Santa Clause'" Ulquiorra could swear he heard Gin snicker at this. Ulquiorra continued to glare down at the red arrancar suit in disgust.

"Who and what exactly is this 'Santa Clause'" Ulquiorra looked away from the unnerving suit for a minute.

"Well, he brings gifts to everyone on Christmas eve," Aizen looked down at Ulquiorra, waiting for a response. This was all way too funny for Gin. He couldn't contain his laughter as Ulquiorra processed what Aizen had just said.

"p-presents? Aizen-sama? Are you sure?" This wasn't what he was actually thinking, though. Ulquiorra's stoic face hid his true thoughts. _Why does Aizen-sama wants to celebrate Christmas? Isn't it his goal to "stand atop heaven"? Wouldn't that be completely losing the point and saying that heaven's throne is no longer vacant? Well this is fucked up…_

"Yes. The decorating will be done by tomorrow. I want you to go to the world of the living and get gifts for Me, Gin, Tousen, and the espada. I expect the gifts to be delivered by tomorrow," Ulquiorra stood there, wondering if Aizen was still thinking correctly. But, orders were orders, and he was being ordered to be Santaquiorra.

Ulquiorra immediately headed out for the world of the living. He found a few toy shops, and went into the biggest one, Toys.R.Us. The first thing he saw struck him as funny. Not that he laughed, but it really was. He saw a towering giraffe wearing a T-Shirt with the Toys.R.Us logo on it. Ulquiorra gave the giraffe a death glare, then continued on. Ulquiorra then spied the perfect present for Tousen. He saw a set of all the Justice League action figures. Aything that had the word "justice" on it would work. He then saw a creepy looking stuffed animal fox. He got that for Gin. He then saw a magic set. Looking at the back he saw the word "illusions". That works for Aizen. Ulquiorra continued into the games section. He found a handheld game that read on the back something along the lines of "enjoy senseless killing". Ulquiorra took that as "Masochist". Grimmjow. Ulquiorra ended up finding a gift for everyone. (Szayel got an Operation! Game. It came with fake blood and real recorded screams) Ulquiorra had chosen gifts for everyone specified. Ulquiorra headed straight back to Las Noches, and decided to d his job early. He got int his red-on-white arrancar suit, and got all the presents. He went from door to door to give each person their gift. Every single person laughed. Especially Grimmjow. He laughed until he read what it said on the back of his game. Then he shut up. It was when Ulquiorra came to the head guys that he got anxious. He went into the throne room to see a hue Christmas tree, decorated all in white. Ulquiorra looked at in disgust as he walked up to Aizen. Ulquiorra handed him the Magic Kit. Aizen looked amused. When Gin got his Fox, he frowned a bit, realizing it was a joke. When Tousen got his Justice League action figures, he went crazy, asking about it. Tousen even played with the superman and flash figures, acting out a fight, sound effects and all. Ulquiorra looked up at Aizen, and saw he was distracted learning how to do a card trick. Ulquiorra took this time to sneak away and get out his own present. He took out a book. It was called "The stare of death: what is like to die" Ulquiorra settled down into his couch, and got right into the book.

He-he. Poor Emo boy, forced to act like Santa Clause. I can really imagine Tousen Playing with the action figures… Tell me how bad this sucked. I really would like to know.

P.S.- I have a picture of Santaquiorra. I might post it on deviantart…


End file.
